Heong -- Author of the
Friend To Girlfriend Secrets
If you’re just “buddy-buddy” with a girl you like, you may be tempted to stay that way. After all, she’s spending time with you. You make her laugh, she shares stories about work, college, her travels, etc. She likes you as her friend, and you are taking your time.
What could possibly go wrong with this strategy? It’s not like she’ll find someone else to connect with, right? You can be content just being a friend to a girl you want to date until you realize that’s all you ever will be. Don’t wait for the time when she confides her developing attraction to another guy. Don’t let her turn you into her buddy or wingman, or both.
If you want to stay just friends with women, this isn’t your problem. But if you’ve been waiting for an opening for months or years now, and she still does not show signs of considering you as a potential lover, do something. Or else, you would have to bear with all the confiding when she starts dating someone. There you will be, seething with jealousy, and kicking yourself for not acting sooner.
So, the next time you meet a girl you like, don’t act as a friend. Decide at once if you want the girl as a friend or as a girlfriend, and keep your actions towards her consistent with your goal. If you have no idea how a would-be boyfriend should act, you can start by avoiding the things that could put you in the friend zone for good.
The first time you go somewhere alone take her to dinner instead of meeting up for coffee. A dinner is a date, while coffee breaks are for chatting. Dinner would also give her the excuse to dress up, while coffee would mean she doesn’t have to put on much effort to look dolled up.
Go to the shopping area for other activities, not just to go shopping for her stuff. If she does shop, make sure you tell her that you intend to shop, too. It’s either she goes with you to look for your stuff, or you meet up much later when you’re done with your errands and she’d done with hers. Hanging around her when she knows you have things you want to do yourself may give her the impression that you’re ok putting her needs first.
Remember, these things are for setting the stage from the very start. If you can avoid the friend zone early, you will never have to worry about being seen as ‘just a friend’.
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